You are the Author

Writing on a regular basis is a chaotic challenge. Just when chores and daily responsibilities can be cleared for an hour or two, up pops new problems like issues with both land-line and mobile phones that suck up your time. Ordering a replacement after some research and a quick pick-up clogged like an old artery. Shoving relatives out the door so you can write is frowned upon too. Whether and healthcare snafus add to the interruption package.

None of these help when your muse is being coy and revisions are a slow and aggravating, without even the reward of a shiny new sword skin for the grind in a game. So you trawl the nets for ideas and prompt generators to get your writing moving again.

The bonus digital broadcast channels are homes of some of the best old programming. Many of the old shows that I hadn’t seen in a long time, hold their humor better than I’d expect. I watch the episodes of the Carson Tonight show most days now. See stars in their prime, stars that are gone now can be bittersweet. Last weekend they swapped a show with Mohammad Ali after his death. A younger Betty White played Jane in a Tarzan sketch. You can see a very young Ellen, long before Finding Dory. A very few celebs that got zinged by the King of Late Night about their mistresses are still in the news… but now they are running for president. In some ways it’s sad how little has really changed since these 25-year old shows.

The funny thing is some of these are clever one liners that would make funny stories. The writing reference book shown in the clip is only the start of that business. There are many, many reference and how-to books. (some are very bad or counter-productive) When I was into that genre, I wanted to have a reference book on manners, culture, current events, and arts/fashion/music/books/dance/theater of a particular period. Even then, period romances already began to feel too much of the 20th century, now in the 21st the characters in 1820 almost act like they need their Mini to get to an event. The crowdsourced humor here in the Carson clip is better than some actual stories I’ve sampled.

Telephonic Spam

[ring]
“Hello?”
“We’re a green company that…”

Oh, is that your ace card to get me to stay on the line for your spam call? You don’t want to rely on the reputation of your product or company to make this worth my time? You think the magic word ‘green‘ will turn off my brain and open my wallet? Does ‘green’ really mean anything significant, or do you just recycle your office cans? How does this magic word make your middleman charity be more effective or make the knee brace help my mother walk better? Are you really generating electricity from wind turbines, or buying from coal facilities and still charging the higher clean rate? What makes you think my insurance that you’re sure you can charge, hasn’t already offered the same service? Just tell me what you’re selling up front and stop wasting everybody’s time. [click]

It’s not like these telemarketing solicitations give the name of their product or a specific company. I mean if it was a call from my favorite book store telling me that the new Bujold cook came in, I would be glad to hear that spiel. (That would be an impressive trick as my favorite bookstore went belly-up a few years ago) Marketers don’t want to identify the seller or product or leave their script even when asked. They will say anything to keep you, and they’ve burnt us several times.

Really, the arrogance of these to think I want to hang around listening to them babble a script or recording when I have important nails to file, puppies to entertain, and books to read.